My son saw an advertisement for a KISS concert and I made the comment that KISS had been around when I was his age and even longer than that. He squinted up at me, his face twisted in disbelief. “They’re old guys?”
“Yep . . . really old guys.”
“What are a bunch of old guys gonna sing about? Is their title song going to be Get Off My Lawn?”
One of our neighbors was in the store at the time of this conversation and we laughed at him. Encouraged, he titled the rest of the songs in the album. I wish I was as quick witted as this kid, but since I’m not, I’ll content myself to share his wit:
- Get Off My Lawn
- My Walker’s Broken
- Dentures Really Bite
- Wheelchair Races
- Got a New Hip Today
- Don’t Slap my Bald Spot
- WhipperSnapper Brats
- My Achey Brakey Back
- Turn Down That Radio!
- Don’t Rush Me; I Don’t Walk That Fast
In the midst of a volcanic eruption miles outside of her village, Ember discovers she can see magic and change the appearance of things at will. Against her mother’s wishes, she leaves for the mage trials only to be kidnapped before arriving. In trying to escape, she discovers she has inherited her father’s secret–a secret that places her in direct conflict with her father’s greatest enemy.
At the same time, Kayla is given guardianship of the sapphire flute and told not to play it. The evil mage C’Tan has been searching for it for decades and the sound alone is enough to call her. For the flute to be truly safe, Kayla must find its birthplace in the mountains high above Javak. The girls’ paths are set on a collision course…a course that C’Tan is determined to prevent at all costs.
. . . my kids.
Mr. Wright is out of town tonight, so it’s just the Wright brothers and me. Already we’ve argued about what will be on the television while I make dinner. The argument was over whether we’d watch the Disney Channel or Unwrapped on the food channel. I lost.
So guess what we’re watching . . .
Yep. Unwrapped on the food channel. I swear these children are not mine. Why would they want to learn something on TV when they can have mindless entertainment? So, instead of a silly but fun show about teenage wizards, we’re learning about how the PEZ dispenser came into being and about some odd new pancake product called Batter Blaster.
The elder Wright Brother wants Batter Blaster bad. He is our family pancake maker and the Batter Blaster apparently is the newest rage in pancake making. I hadn’t made my first pancake until I was in college, and here is my ten year old, scoping out new ways to fine tune his breakfast making experiences.
The younger Wright brother has determined he wants an edible bouquet instead of cake for his birthday because it’s healthier (fruit instead of pastries), and he no longer drinks soda pop because he thinks soda pop is bad for you. Honestly! I did not teach them any of this. They are totally on their own when it comes to this total weirdness. I now get lectures about my Dr. Pepper habits.
The kids teach me a lot as we move through our time together, but I’ve taught them some pretty valuable things too, such as:
- How to cuss in traffic
- How to brush teeth
- How to critique the dialogue in movies out loud in the theater
- How to throw tantrums
- How to read
- How to irritate people with semantics
- How to pick up litter
- How to be a sore loser at Monopoly (which I refuse to play with them anymore because they gang up on me)
As you can see from the list, some of the stuff they learned from me is actually useful. I miss the daughter a lot and, in spite of teaching mostly less than useful life skills, still wish she was around for me to teach. She’ll be home for the summer in just two and a half months. Yay! This whole child rearing business is one well worth taking on.
Oh and I finished writing the manuscript, Spell Check, last month and have already started my new WIP tentatively called Dream Writers. I’m into it nearly fifty pages and so far loving the manuscript.
I was at World Fantasy in San Jose over the weekend and had an excellent time with old friends and new friends alike. I had great roommates: Stacy Whitman and Heidi Summers, and great hang out buddies: Rob Wells, Marion Jensen, Josh Perkey, Joshua Bilmes, Dan Wells, Eric Stone, Lee Modesitt and his lovely daughter Catherine Modesitt, and some guy named Nick–who was hilarious.
The weekend wasn’t much for furthering my career as a writer, but it *was* great fun. Guy Gavriel Kay watched the Yankees stomp the Phillies with me and he bought Catherine and me chocolate-covered strawberries. He is a complete keeper. Not only am I a huge fan of his books, but I get to be a huge fan of the man. It constantly amazes me how wonderful these famous authors are. How Lee Modesitt befriended me even back when I had little to offer as an author. Good people are in the writing world folks–some seriously good people.
I did get to help a few of my friends meet agents and get business cards and make acquaintances that will help their careers so the weekend was definitely worth experiencing. Even though it meant leaving Mr. Wright in charge of Halloween.
The boys all fared well enough for face painting in spite of everything and the house wasn’t in near the disarray I’d imagined I’d return home to. But I did ask Mr. Wright to start a pagemaker document for the relief society christmas dinner. That way I could get the times and dates entered, print up the invitations, and send them off to my relief society president without delay.
When I opened the document this morning this is what I found:
We’re going to eat, drink, and be merry. No men are invited so we’re having Chip and Dale Dancers coming. Bring your dollar bills and a side dish! Love, the Relieved Society
Good thing I looked before I printed. I am sure Mr. Wright thinks he’s amusing. I know I think he is.
Here are some pictures from the con:
Josi Kilpack chose me and four other bloggers for this blog award—which was very sweet since she said so many nice things about me and she’s got it all backwards. SHE is the one who is always listening to me. I find it amazing that she is such a great friend and that I really can tell her everything. So the deal is since she tagged me, I get to answer all her questions and then tag some others.
Now, on to the questions.
1. Where is your cell phone?…. I don’t know. It was in my purse the last time I saw it this morning, but we went hiking and I’m out of town and honestly, dealing with a phone while out of town seems lame so I never bothered with it again today. The battery needs charged. Dang. I hope my agent didn’t try calling . . .
2. Your hair? …… Is like it always is–one braid to the left of my face and the rest all tied up in back and spilling over with a stick hair clip thingy.
3. Your mother? …… Is a saint for taking on the challenges of raising my teenager. She deserves flowers and chocolate every day.
4. Your father?….. Is the other saint for being willing to take on the challenges of raising my teenager. He deserves books and back rubs every day (not that I’m giving these things out, mind you. In fact I fully plan on stealing several of his books next time I see him.) Even though my daughter’s pretty easy to take care of, they have gone above the call of duty and I can never repay them for this.
5. Your favorite food? …… thai–at that little thai place I went with all the LTUE people. DANG that was awesome eating. Let’s go again, okay guys?
6. Your dream last night?…. Mind your own business! Okay just kidding, I don’t remember my dream. I remember waking up feeling disturbed but had no idea why.
7. Your favorite drink?…. Dr. Pepper baby!
8. Your dream/goal? …. To find success in every aspect of my life–family, writing . . .
9. What room are you in? …… my sis in law’s guest room. Guys are playing wii in the other room and I am supposed to be writing. Slacker.
10. Your hobby? …. hobby? people have time for those things? Really?
11. Your fear? ….. failure
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?… happy healthy and on the new york times best sellers list after having just won the Newbery.
13. Where were you last night?…..At my sis in law’s house. she is an excellent hostess. We’re here doing halloween party stuff which I will blog about and post pictures for some time in december (since I’m flaky and behind on everything) What? You think Halloween pictures in December is a dumb idea?
14. Something you aren’t?….. sated . . . ever.
15. Muffins? …..raspberry lemon
16. Wish list item? …… A huge contract! Please Santa! PLEASE!!!!
17. Where did you grow up?…… Salt Lake City
18. Last thing you did?…… laughed until I cried while Mr. Wright read a spooky story during our Halloween dinner. The story wasn’t really funny, but Mr. Wright IS really funny. I love how he makes our kids laugh.
19. What are you wearing? …… red shirt. red fuzzy socks, blue jeans. I know. No black. Is anyone else as surprised as I am?
20. Your TV? ….. usually off. I am not a tv watcher only because I know I have no self control. If the tv goes on–my eyes widen and my brain shuts down as I plant myself in front of it.
21. Your pets? ……… 2 dogs–Shadow–black lab, hound mix and Copper–chow. We’re down to one fish. I’m hoping to kill him off so I can revamp the fish tank.
22. Your friends? …… Everywhere. I once had someone ask me one of those psychological test questions where they said, “You look around you. How many trees do you see?” The girl I was with who was also answering those questions said, “Two. Off in the distance.”
My answer was, “I see a whole forest.”
The trees were supposed to represent how many close, personal, sacrifice-everything-for friends you felt you had. Whether those little psych tests have meaning or not–that answer is 100% true.
23. Your life?…… pretty awesome. I am so grateful for each day, for my family, for everything.
24. Your mood? …. content.
25. Missing someone? ….. every day.
26. Vehicle? ……Honda. Grey. Boring.
27. Something you’re not wearing? …… LOL
28. Your favorite store? …….these questions keep going!!!!!! Home Depot
29. Your favorite color? …… Black
30. When was the last time you laughed? …… laughed all night tonight.
31. Last time you cried? …..On the way home from St George when we left our daughter after a short visit.
32. Your best friend?…… My husband. I’d be lost without him. Literally. I have no directional skills. But beyond that–he is everything great in my life.
33. One place that I go over and over? ……. Crazy. Kids are usually driving.
34. One person who emails me regularly?…….Josi. We’re planning a book tour and it requires a lot of communication. I love emails from Josi
35. Favorite place to eat? ……. anywhere I’m not cooking.
If you’re someone I tagged, be sure to tell me so I can read your answers.
And I am tagging Karen Hoover, Jaime Thelar, Janet Davis, Alice Beesely, Janette Rallison. These ladies are getting tagged simply because I love them and want to know more about them.
2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “Nothing” usually end in “Fine”.
4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5. Loud Sigh: This actually is not a word, but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say ”You’re welcome”.
9. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response, refer to #3.