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all this whine and no cheese

This is a post with tons of whine ahead, so if you aren’t up for that, feel free to run away quickly to someone else’s blog. I am in a funky place and since sunshine, funny child antics from the boys, amazingness in general from the daughter, loving support from Mr. Wright, and people saying nice things to me aren’t helping, I am blogging about it. Isn’t that the American way? We have an emotion and make it public whether it’s appropriate or not? 

I am sad.

Sad like wearing brown during the nineties. Sad like a mullet in any decade.  Sad like hanging out in your pajamas all day and having to answer the door that way and trying to make up some excuse about being sick when you’re healthier than Jillian Michaels. Sad like doing all those crazy things and not even getting the Klondike bar for it. Sad like a shaved cat. Sad like a claustrophobe stuck in the airplane bathroom. Sad like a Star Wars fan during the last three films.

Just sad.

I don’t know what the heck is wrong with me. I am paralyzed to write because I feel crummy and incapable. And I don’t know why. I usually get a short bout of chronic depression in the month of May, but it only lasts a few weeks and I get over it. This is different somehow. This is epic. This has been the last month.

I’m thinking of moving to Africa.

Or maybe North Dakota.

Or maybe I’ll eat a tub of ice cream all by myself and watch chick movies because moving to Africa or North Dakota would require unthinkable amounts of packing, and then there’s that business of having nowhere to live once I got there . . .

I am actually writing this in a post because I went online to do something that always makes me smile. I’ve posted it before a few years ago, but is happiness something that can only be shared once?  This video has never failed to fill me with hope–hope in humanity, hope in understanding, hope in a simple smile and a dance.  It’s something that manages to coerce my smile muscles to do their job. It’s an absurdly easy job — lazy good-for-nothing muscles that they are.

I can’t figure out how to embed this (which figures at the moment in spite of the fact that I’ve done it before), so you’ll have to link to it on your own. Sorry for my lack of ambition.


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10 Responses
  1. I’ve been where you are. First of all, you have a right to be sad. Because every emotion deserves it’s day. And you need to experience it to some degree, for whatever reason, even if it’s just so you can write about it. But a month of being sad is definitely too long.

    You may need sunshine, a change of scenery, a night out with the girls, chocolate, a deep tissue massage, or barring all that, try kissing a celebrity. I hear you’ve done that one before. *winks*

    In all seriousness, email me. My usual solution is more simple than most people would guess.

  2. Blue says:

    Jules! Just before reading this post, I happened to email you a funny…at least it made me laugh till tears leaked (I almost NEVER pass stuff along).

    And I finally read Cross My Heart a couple ago and really want a sequel. I ♥ ‘d it! And you’re just accumulating more amazingness with every day. So enjoy this slump and roll around in it a little. You’ll be through it eventually and back to your old hijinks. But thanks for posting about it…it’s nice to know you’re not always superhumanwondergurl that makes the rest of us (mere) regularfolk struggle with keeping the 10th commandment.

    Happy thoughts for you tonight!

  3. Love you lots!! We all have those periods of major slumps in our lives. Personally, I feel like I have been riding a 2 1/2 year slump, but you just have to enjoy the down time. Sometimes these periods in our lives are the most self-awaking times. We take a closer look at what is happening and can declare that it is OK to feel that way. You have been so busy in your life and accomplishing so much. Enjoy just being you and not “having” to do something. I can testify that this does re-charge your inner batteries.

    Can’t wait to see you in a few weeks!! ((HUGS)) ~~Sheila

  4. Annette Wright says:

    You are awesome. We all love and adore you!!!

  5. Cheri Chesley says:

    You are simply awesome, and even though you might be in a slump right now it will by no means stick around. There’s a saying, “Every day may not be great, but there is something great in every day.” We just have to look for it. Whenever I’m feeling down, I think of my sweet son who, when faced with singing the song “Count Your Blessings” said, “How can I count them? There are too many!”

    So much of life is not what happens to us, but how we process it. You will regain your happy place soon. I have no doubt.

    Besides, it’s almost time for Storymakers! 🙂

  6. L.T. Elliot says:

    (Shh. I’m totally not here because I banned myeslf from the internet.)

    Thank you for being real. Can I just say that? Thank you! Sometimes, it’s all you can do to just “be,” let alone fake happy. On days like this, (or months like this) you ride the storm. And sometimes? It’s the storm itself that sees you through. I stand out in the wind and let God rage all around me and wait. I wait until I hear a whisper of His voice and remind myself that all of this wasn’t meant to be easy. And if it wasn’t, then I’m not wrong for feeling like it isn’t. And when I’ve heard Him, I quote a phrase that someone gifted me during my month of sad.

    “It will all turn out right in the end. If it isn’t all right, it isn’t the end.”

    Hang on–and know that you’re not alone.

    With love,

  7. Julie! I’m finally reading Cross My Heart (sorry, it’s taken me so long) and I got to the part about the guy in the kilt eating a pear and I had to go straight to my computer and find you. HOLY COW, I haven’t even finished the scene and I am laughing so hard I can’t see straight!

    Thanks for making me laugh my way right out of a brown sad thing. Hope you feel better. **hugs

  8. Scott Wright says:

    Glad there are good days inbetween. I know I help with some of the problem, but at least I’m some of the solution too. I love you, as Alison or Padme might say, truly, deeply, love you.
    We’ve made it through many May’s and when they have NYC in them it helps and this one does again!

  9. I’ll come to Africa with you!

  10. Kimberly says:

    Have you ever read The War of Art by Steven Pressfield? It is FABULOUS, and really hits home that those times when the slogging seems so hard, are the times when we’re on the verge of greatness. Why would we feel so much opposition to what we’re doing, if what we’re doing doesn’t have the potential to be amazing. In other words, The Adversary wouldn’t both with you if you weren’t awesome. Seriously.

    Love you!

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