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1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

 2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more  minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

 3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “Nothing” usually end in “Fine”.

 4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

 5. Loud Sigh: This actually is not a word, but a non-verbal statement  often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

 6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say “You’re welcome”.

8. Whatever : Is a women’s way of saying YOU SUCK!!

9. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response, refer to #3.

I laughed when I got this in my email box because I use ALL of the above statements. My poor husband . . .
Number nine and I are intimate friends because I usually have a chip on my shoulder and am always too proud to ask for help. It’s because I think I shouldn’t HAVE to ask. He’s a smart man. Surely he knows when I want something done. And yet he is still MALE which does not equate into mindreader.
Last week, I was desperate for help. Desperate enough I *asked* for help. And do you know what he did? He helped me. It’s an odd phenomenon. I might try it out again and see if it works next time too. I might be on to something.
Yesterday, Scott framed in half the ceiling for my daughter’s room. I didn’t have to ask or anything. He just went and did it, and did a great job. If the other half gets done soon, I can go in and pull wire and hang insulation and we can call the sheetrockers! For the first time since we moved here, I looked at my basement with a real hope that it might actually get done. I hope it gets done before book signings and school tours start. That would be a mess to try and juggle all that together . . . In the meantime, I need to get back to writing; what am I doing musing about basements on my blog when there is a little girl trapped in my book who will never get untrapped if I don’t get to it? Have a great weekend everyone!
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12 Responses
  1. Lee Modesitt says:

    Julie —

    All nine of these are in use in our household, and when I read the list to Carol Ann, she howled.


  2. Blue says:

    dare i comment and pull you away from writing? 🙂

    i love reading your stuff. it’s like having a little “jules moment”…and there will never be enough of those. here’s to finishing the next installment…can’t wait for it. and for girls getting finished bedrooms…that’s important. you’re terrific parents! ♥

  3. Josi says:

    LOL–that is too funny. I don’t dare show my husband.

  4. Karlene says:

    Oh that was hilarious! And I’m guilty of every single one of them.

    Good luck on your room.

  5. Tamra Norton says:

    Sooooo funny! But I’m with Josi. These terms and their true definitions need to be guarded at all cost…short of my marriage! 🙂


  6. I had to laugh when I saw this–it’s so true! I ran across it months ago when Nancy, Lael and I were writing Surprise Packages, the last book in our series, and I used the first word, fine, in a conversation between my character, Erin , and her husband. He says:

    “You did say it was fine. Or is fine a code word women have for something men don’t understand?”

    Hee, hee!

  7. Jenna says:

    I love this email too. Can we women really be THAT predictable? Because if we’re the smarter species and can be pegged to this, then where does that leave the men?

  8. Oh my! I love the list! I use them quite a lot too. Maybe we should just start posting the list on our bathroom mirrors. Do you think our hubbies would actually read it AND understand what it means? Maybe . . . but probably not. Men can be so dense. But their density makes for hilarious scenes in our books. 🙂

  9. I use these with my kids–I should print this out and give it to them. Hilarious!

  10. ali says:

    LOL Julie!

    Yep, I’m pretty familiar with all of those little words myself – especially that pesky #9.

    YAY for your basement! Good luck with that 😉

  11. Jaime Theler says:

    I love it! I think men should get this on a laminated card to put in their wallet. We just finished our basement. Yea! It’s nice, but seems never-ending in the middle of the project. Good luck!

  12. hi jules,

    thanks for sharing this. this was so fun to read. i do all of these, too.

    and in our house, “whatever” is an off limits word. so, hubby and i DO say it when we are REEEEAAAALLLY annoyed. hahaha. thanks for the giggles i rec’d from reading this post.

    take care, kathleen

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